Stream of Consciousness

Changes

2010-07-12T04:47:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I feel like there's not enough time in the world. There's so many things I wish to do. Maybe its my lack of motivation, maybe I'm just not brave enough to step foot into a different world. I could never be a starving artist, could I?. I'm so used to safety and assurance of a back up plan when all else fails. I applaud the brave souls who have no fear of jumping into something and seeing positivity in failure. As for me, I wish there were copies of me. There's so many things id like to try but too scared to fail or even compete against strong willed people. I guess I'm not confident enough, or believe in myself enough to try. I would love to become an architect, painter, photographer, make up artist, actress, singer, set designer, interior designer, fashion designer, jewelry maker, psychologist, dentist, graphic designer, model, hair dresser, and etc.

I wish I could send out all the copies of me to each career I want to try and see which ones I failed at, and which ones I became successful with. If only I had enough courage, but, I'm going the safe way because my old school parents strike fear in me that anything that isn't certain is doomed for failure. My passion to help people and make others happy have gone dark for me, for lack of income and steady work. 3 years of school dedicated to psychology has been gained and I wish I could have continued. However, my career has taken a different path and into the medical field like my parents hoped and prayed for. There is something so monotonous in the medical field that I loathe so much and I can't put my finger on it. Perhaps its the lack of sanity I find in it, or possibly, could it be that I wouldn't be able to express myself? We are separated by the color of scrubs, put in categories, and slaved away the repetitive duties til the following morning. The only possible individuality would be our names and thank God my name wasn't pulled out of the book of '100 baby names.'

Change is so bittersweet. I hate change yet, its such a breath of fresh air to me. I have a constant need for options, variety, and different indulgences, yet when it comes to change out of the ordinary, or something I'm not yet ready to let go of, I hate it. It makes me feel uneasy.

I feel like a 5 year old kid with so much wonder in the world. I have endless questions and ponder the universe and the way things work. 'Why?,' has always been a staple question in my head since my childhood to the present. I cannot stop pondering the miracle of life and life itself. I seek answers and I won't stop my search until I find it. I find comfort and relief in finding answers and truths. I drive myself mad at times and repress sleep because I think too much. My head is a curse and a gift. I retain answers and manuals of how things work but I can't seem to shut it off.

I skip sleep once again and hear the chirping of the morning birds waiting for sunrise. Their squeaky chirps almost sound like pestering laughter to my ears.

I did it again

2010-06-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

I've fallen on the habit of not updating my blog. I had to be reminded by Irving that I still had one! hahah Thanks Irv :) glad to know you're following too.

Well, I've been having really horrible sleep lately because of the world cup starting. Brazil is the only team I go for because I got to represent my homeland!!!

Tomorrow is the day!

World cup airs from 4:30 - 8 ish and I end up not even sleeping because I go to bed so late. I'm a walking zombie lately.. hopefully I get my sleeping pattern back because I just got a new job and I'm going to get sufficient sleep.

Well, I got to get back to the World Cup, I'm watching it on Telemundo because I don't have cable hahaha. Hey it's and HD channel too so i'm not complaining!

It's Japan vs. Cameroon.

GO JAPAN!!!!!!!!!!

YES

2010-04-16T01:10:00.001-07:00

The blood running thru my veins are dancing! I got the new Gorillaz album Plastic Beach. So far i'm in love.. and you know what the best part is? LITTLE DRAGON and MOS DEF are featured in it which only make it even better! My fav song on the album at the moment is, "Rhinestone Eyes."

ENJOY!

....

2010-04-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

I'm going to scream

Up and running

2010-04-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

I'm finally back to my blogger for the 2nd time! The first time I just stopped posting cuz I forgot about it. Now this is the 2nd come back. I had to keep it on private for a while because I just felt some weird vibes. I won't go into further explanation and just leave it at that.

I am UP and running with it. I fell off the face of the earth for a quick min but now im back in action. It's all due to a work injury and its closing up soon and I'm healed and better. I'm feeling 99% and I'm all charged up and ready to go. The 1% missing is how weak i've become from not being able to work out or exercise for almost a year. I need to get my strength back and re-train those muscles I haven't been putting to use.

I've been riding my bike a lot with friends and my bf and it's helped a lot with my recovery. I plan on doing it every night but it's a little hard with such a chunk of steel bike. It's an old vintage 3 speed which I love, but it's not ideal for cycling on the road and trying to dominate hills. I need a lightweight bike and I've had a fixed gear bike when I was younger, I just never knew the term for the bike was a "fixed gear" bike. I loved it but the popular thing to ride was bmx bikes so I bought one off my neighbor and junked the fixie. Now to my dismay, fixed gear bikes are in. I sorta want one because I like the concept of it and the simplicity but I also do want a road bike, considering how smooth and fast it is. I road my bf's bike and it feels like paper! but it's very costly and fixed gears are much cheaper.

I've been out of school because I was on my own for a while and pretty much didn't have enough money to go to school at the same time. I thought about my psychology major and I still have the passion for it but my parents keep telling me I should rethink that career path only because not only will my yearly salary suck but the time it takes to get a clinical license will take forever. I could just go into social work but that's not what I want to do.

So I looked up some medical careers that sparked my interest since medical careers are always in demand, I saw Dental Hygienists and Respiratory Therapy. Now, with the baby boomers soon becoming senior citizens, there will be way more medical careers in demand. Both make an average of 50-60k and RT is only a 1.5 yr program so I enrolled at ELAC because that was the closest place that offered that program.

I'm starting my pre req's in July for RT. I'm so excited, AND my bf just started school as well! I'm sooo proud of him that he wanted to go back to better his future. I want to be able to pay back my parents as a thank you for supporting me and giving me the best they could. I am entirely grateful and I want to make a lot of money not only for my future but for my parents. I want them to be able to retire and live a comfortable life without having to pay off debts.

People tell me, do what you love to do, but sometimes that just doesn't work out. I would love to be a photographer or do make up/hair but the security of those jobs are not that good and I need that security in my life. I need to know that I will have a job the next day and be able to pay my bills. But thats just me. Besides, I can always go back and fulfill my passion for psychology if I want to after I'm finished with the RT program with a stable job. I just want to do whats best for my future and I believe this is it.

I'm so focused and ready to plow thru this next year I'm unstoppable. This is going to be one busy year.

Cuteness overload

2009-12-11T01:08:00.001-08:00

Royce's dog Roxy had puppies with Percy again! It's heartbreaking to hear that 4 of the puppies fell into the pool and drowned at Auntie Melda's house :( they were only 2 months old! There was 2 left and our friend Andrew wanted a puppy to surprise his boyfriend so we took one of the last 2 puppies left from that litter. The puppies are Lab, Golden Retriever, German Sheppard, & some other breed muts. We're not entirely sure what Roxy is, but all I know is that the puppies come out super cute every time. This is their 2nd litter! I think its time for the snip snip..

Any who, so we picked up the little boy puppy and took him home for the night to give to Andrew the next day. I missed having a puppy!! How can you say no to this cute little man?

Little pup playing tug a war with me

He peed and pooped everywhere, kept me up all night long, and gnawed on my fingers til he fell asleep but I loved every second of it even though I should have been annoyed and stressed. I miss Hailey so so much and he looks exactly like Hailey but black. I grew attached fast and I took care of him for that night and til the next morning like he was my own. But, I know he's in great hands with Andrew.

I think puppies are the cutest little things on earth I don't think anything could be cuter. Ok well, babies are, in my opinion, equally cute.

<3

Cubism

2009-12-03T17:16:00.000-08:00

So, after all it came down to the honda fit sport, mini cooper, or the nissan cube.

I was almost about to get the honda fit, but a lot of the new ones are still in Japan, and won't be shipped here for another 3 weeks. So my dad didn't want to wait..

the mini cooper was gonna be our next choice but the dealer kept messing around with the prices so my dad bounced..

then, he decided to just lease this..

yep! a Nissan Cube 1.8 S in pearl white! It's really cute, nissan says its supposed to look like a bull dog with sunglasses on haha. I'm really excited! I'm going to pick it up tomorrow. Supreme!

Thanks pops, I love you!

Lazy mornings are mandatory

2009-11-20T02:34:00.001-08:00

I love lazy mornings when you wake up next to your significant other and just watch tv because you're too damn lazy to do anything else. That's exactly what we did today. Royce decided to bring breakfast to bed too.

Ha. Those panties are hilarious

Not to make it an everyday thing but once in a while it is mandatory.

Tired

2009-06-15T01:14:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Angela! My roomate just turned 28. We went to the Americana to eat at Granville. It's an organic restaurant and the food is bombay! I had a cranberry turkey sandwich with sweet potato fries. Yumm.. Too bad I had to scarf it down and go to work right after. Then the madness started, not only did I miss half of the game, after it ended all the lakers fans were parading through old town drunk out of their minds screaming! I was a little jealous I couldn't be apart of that. It was actually really funny but what wasnt funny was that I'm pretty sure I made well over 20 ice blended drinks in the matter of 20 mins. Everyone and their momma wanted a mocha ice blended today for some weird reason. Oh well, thank god it was Sunday and we closed at 10.

I saw some girl wearing mc hammer pants today. They're in fashion and I hate it. It looks so horrible! Then in a magazine, firecrotch Lindsey Lohan is wearing a mc hammer jumpsuit. Some fashion trends are redonkulous. Oh I also read that skinny jeans are bad for you, apprently they aren't good for your leg circulation? Whatever, kill me.. I'm never going back to bell bottom flares. I never wore them when they were in and I never will. Even back in grade school I didn't like them. Middle school - highschool I wore bootcut jeans and sewed that sucker in. They weren't invented til maybe my senior year and they're the only kinda jeans I'll wear. I dunno why people love designer jeans, the only designer jeans I like are frankie b's and that's only cuz they're low and make my booty look tight haha. I don't own a pair but my friend let me borrow them and have always wanted one since. Too bad I'm not paying 200 bucks for them! I can buy a few outfits with that kinda money. I think jeans are just jeans, and there are so many fake copies of jeans you can't even tell.

Aardvarks just relocated to old town Pasadena! Yesss! It's closer to me now. Neko and I went there the other day and the store looks really good! It has sort of an American apparel vibe now, but still vintage. There's alot of people who don't understand thrift store shopping but I can find some good shit in thrift stores. It's your perspective I guess.. Some people don't like the idea that it was used and that it's not brand new. Someones trash can be someone elses treasure is how I see it.

Well it's pretty late now and I keep getting distracted cuz Royce is laughing in his sleep and it's really funny. I'm off to bed now. Night!

Vegassss!!

2009-05-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

Vegas was freakin amazing. I never had a better time! Ryan, one of my closest guy friends invited us to vegas with him and his girl Nicole for his late birthday celebration. We stayed at Mandalay Bay, the room was niiice and so was the pool area. I got such a good tan I just want to get more bronze. Cant wait for summer to come! We stayed mostly by the pool.. there was a wave pool, regular pool, jacuzzi, and lazy river pool. Then we went to the strip and walked around, shopped, and rested. The next day we had to recover and enjoyed the pool and ordered pina colada's mmm haha we js chilled the entire day by the hotel. Royce and I took a bubble bath in our nice ass hot tub it was romantic :) and we spent most of our time in the room.. then we got ready to go to the club. It was either the Playboy club or Christian Audiger. I hate Ed Hardy with a passion and I think his clothing line looks like puke. Bedazzled puke to be exact. It's sooo played out and the ugliest girls and guys wear that shit that aint got no style. I'm sorry.. thats just my opinion. dig it or not. Anyways, we decided to go to the Christian Audiger club because his dad bought us a table there. I'm SOOO glad everything inside the club wasn't bedazzled and Ed Hardy-ed out. Other than that we all had fun, danced, and got out drink on. We got 2 grey goose bottles and our personal bartender. I went a little overboard and got the drunkest I've been in my entire life. Nicole had to take me to the bathroom to puke my guts out 3 times hahahah! I waasss a hot mess. I was puking in bags, on the bathroom floor passed the fuck out. Then they had to escort me to the taxi to take me home and Royce was drunk as fuck too hahah! I dunno how we made it to the hotel room but I was in bed safe and sound next to my hunnie :) The nextmorning we had to check out so we went to champagne brunch and then back to the pool one last time, packed up and left to head on home. I looovvedd it and I didn't want to go back home :( I wish we stayed the entire week. Theres a new hotel opening up and its gonna be in the heart of the strip. Theres a pool on the top of the hotel!! It's so going down on my birthday. Here's pictures frm vegas

sorry they're all mixed up.

anyway..

My baby and I got our paychecks this week and it sucked big fat hairy balls. We're so tight on money we're going to have to survive on top ramen for the next 2 weeks. ughhh.

on a lighter note...

this is the best shit on earthh!!!!

the carribean bars are better. only $1.99
btw i found this picture on google.. sorry to the person i stole it from.

theres little coconut shavings in it which make it even better. mmMmmm

ok gotta go.

Ikea

2009-03-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

Had a long day at work today, soo soo boring. Morning suck, so do nights, I wish I worked 4 hour midshifts everyday. I don't mind opening but not everyday straight. It sucks balls.

Anyways, my baby came to pick me up and we headed to Ikea to get our new duvet cover! Since the first time we went together we've been eyeing this certain duvet cover but they never had it in stock so today I checked online to see if they had it in stock and they just had a shipping come in today! YESS! This is how it looks

soo cute. I love it, it looks sooo good in our room. Of course we couldn't just get that and leave, we looked around and found some sticker wall decor

and

its a LOT cuter than it looks. We got the olive green color for the tree and for the flowers there's only black but it was perfect.

I'm gonna hold off on putting them on the walls cuz we still have to paint our room. It's going to look AMAZING!

Well that's all there is to say today. Bye!

BBQ

2009-03-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

This weekend was crazyyyy. We had a BBQ on saturday and invited a bunch of people over. It was fun! First,Angela and I started cleaning up the entire house then Nancy, Danielle, and I went to go do errands to get ready for the party then came back and started getting food prepared. I had to leave early to Royce's Lola's birthday get together and we ate a bunch of Filipino food yuummm! Then came home and the party was already crackin. We had beer and chocolate cake shots, lots of food, and played beer pong. There was also beer bong but I had 10 chocolate cake shots and I was feeling it BAD. AHAHa I ended up taking shots after shots cuz I didn't feel it, then I started to feel it creep up on me haha oh no. It was so good I kept going and before I knew it I had 10 shots. I was goooonnnne but I lasted til 2 am. WOOHOO Then I threw up ahah. I never ever had a hangover before and I never ever threw up from drinking. BUT, this was my first time throwing up but I still didn't have a hang over. I was sure that I would but I got lucky and didn't have one. I was just really tired. Here's some pictures! I tried uploading them onto myspace but its being gay and not letting me. oh well.

click on them to make it bigger

there's more from Danielle's camera but these are all I have for now.

I'm going to give myself a pedicure and then go watch a chickflick. bye!!

R.I.P. Kimberly

2007-12-29T06:44:00.000-08:00

For a while I was in denial. I didn't want to believe she passed away. It finally hit me a few hours later that she is gone and I won't ever see her again. When I become sad, I think of other things as well and I just become even more depressed. I think I have anxiety attacks because I couldn't go to sleep today I couldn't fall asleep and there was SOOO much going on in my head I wish I could turn my head off. When I was trying to sleep I became paranoid, my heart began to beat faster, I felt a shortness in breath, and I felt nauseous. I was scared to fall asleep. A lot has been going on these past weeks mostly family related. I'm sick and tired of bitching about it. I think I really need to see a therapist. Its 7:31 am and I haven't gotten a wink of sleep. I have work at 10am and I work a dreaded 7 hour shift AGAIN. I have been for 3 days straight ugh I need to clear my head.

Rest In Peace: Kimberly Ann Gutierrez

I miss you so much. Thank you for your friendship, your sweet sweet hugs and kisses, and all your kindness and love. You were always there when I was a sad lil bear. You always cheered me up. I won't forget the times at work either. You're the one who trained me and gave me tips and advice at work. Thank you for always being there for me. you always left me cute little notes for me to read in the morning and you never failed to show me ur beautiful smile whenever we saw each other. I also won't forget that you were the only other person I knew that wore the same perfume "so pink" =) that scent will forever remind me of you. I'm glad you're in a better place now and you're not suffering anymore. You will forever be in my heart.

Love,
your Lil Bear